Hey Ira,
It’s been great having you back home for your summer break. The switch from freezing-cold Canada to burning-hot India must be crazy.
Equally crazy is how some people here refuse to ‘get a life’. I saw you getting quite upset on seeing the trolling that actors Sonakshi Sinha and Zaheer Iqbal received for choosing to get married. And you are right in feeling upset. Jab Sonakshi aur Zaheer raazi, to kuch log kyon hain Love Nazi? (When Sonakshi and Zaheer are ready, why are some people being ‘Love Nazis’?)
But such people do not shut up. They sniff an inter-faith marriage anywhere, and it sets them off. And their numbers are large enough to make us worry. For instance, here’s this troll – a blue-tick account – who goes by the name Tathvam-asi (@ssaratht) on X. Tathvam-asi commented on Sonakshi’s beautiful black-and-silver dress saying it would “prepare her for a future wearing burqas”.
The bar for bigotry on social media is so high these days – including calls for violence, sexual violence and explicit vulgar abuse – that some would call this tweet almost lame. And yet the hate in it is there for us all to see. Also, like many others like him (or her), Tathvam-asi, with over 36,000 followers, is a repeat offender, a troll by habit. His recent tweets describe the Bakr-Eid as a ‘mass bloodshed festival’, while some of his other posts abuse the ‘Yadav’ caste for supporting the Samajwadi Party in Uttar Pradesh.
Many other trolls described the wedding as ‘love jihad’. Sonakshi’s and Zaheer’s families couldn’t escape abuse either. One X user went to the extent of telling Sonakshi never to visit Bihar, her home state. Such has been the fallout of this marriage that Zaheer’s father had to publicly make a statement that Sonakshi would not convert to Islam – even though it’s no one’s business whether she does or doesn’t.
Sonakshi Broke No Law
Sonakshi’s father, former superstar and politician Shatrughan Sinha, also spoke in their defence, pointing out that Sonakshi and Zaheer had broken no law, nor done anything unconstitutional.
This is crucial. The law of the land and the guiding light of a modern, secular, diverse India, the Constitution, says that two consenting individuals of marriageable age, of any faith, creed, caste or community, from any part of the country, can choose to get married. Plain and simple. Leave alone trolls or the larger society, even their own families cannot stand in their way.
But Ira, is it just about the trolls? No. Unfortunately, if you scratch the surface, you are likely to find that the number of Indians who would be against marrying outside their community is staggeringly large. Even some of the most ‘liberal’ Indians – who would not stomach vicious communal hatred, condemn caste violence or racist attacks – would hesitate to support inter-faith marriages. There are others still for whom any kind of inter-community marriage would be a serious transgression.
Matrimony Websites – As Regressive As Us
You and I have in the past looked at the matrimonial pages in newspapers and even matrimonial websites online. The obsession with caste and community there is worth thinking about. One such website’s landing page asks for a user’s religion and mother tongue; on the next page, providing information about your ‘sub-community’ is mandatory. Another asks you whether you are “willing” to marry someone from another community, the assumption probably being that “unwilling” is the norm. Sub-caste, ‘gotra‘ (your family lineage, or ‘male’ lineage to be clear) and ‘dosh‘ (whether you suffer from any ‘astrological flaw’ or will be a ‘troublesome’ spouse) are other details you are asked to furnish. More relevant details like profession, personal values, and education level are only secondary.
So yes, it may be said that while we went digital with matrimonials over 20 years ago, we remain as regressive about the process as ever.
Silence Is Approval
Many may feel that in talking about our societal biases when it comes to marriages, I am diluting the hate and abuse faced by Sonakshi and Zaheer. But I believe that by being silent about our disapproval of inter-faith, inter-caste, and inter-regional marriages, we only embolden the trolls. If our belief makes a few of our own relatives back home uncomfortable, then so be it. We really need to understand that the world has moved on, and we need to too, instead of looking silly trolling Sonakshi and Zaheer one day, and Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor another.
We also need to understand that communal polarisation is no longer a vote-catcher. It’s time for the trolls and ‘netas’ who use communal rhetoric to understand that. In the same way, we also need to put an end to ‘honour killings’. A simple Google search will show you how frequent the crime is even now, and how broadly prevalent it is, with cases being reported from Punjab, Haryana, Uttar Pradesh, even Tamil Nadu frequently. Worse, media reports and crime statistics do not include the thousands of unreported cases of couples being beaten up or viciously tortured mentally and verbally. That’s the massive iceberg beneath the ‘tip’ of honour killings.
As a final thought, let’s return to Shatrughan Sinha’s gentle reminder – that his daughter and Zaheer have broken no law. India, as it was envisioned by our founding fathers, is meant to be a country where diversity and choice are underwritten, guaranteed, and protected by the law. We cannot claim to be secular if we are going to troll every Sonakshi and Zaheer who choose to marry each other.
Ira, let me assure you, that whoever you pick as a partner, Mama and I are always going to support your choice. No caveats of any sort, at all. It’s your life, your choices, we are there just to root for you, always.
Luv, Papa.
(Rohit Khanna is a journalist, commentator and video storyteller. He has been Managing Editor at The Quint, Executive Producer of Investigations & Special Projects at CNN-IBN, and is a two-time Ramnath Goenka award winner.)
Disclaimer: These are the personal opinions of the author
